


I've Been Brokenhearted

by Tombe du ciel (atlasaire)



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 11:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2690396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atlasaire/pseuds/Tombe%20du%20ciel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He finds that every time he tries to bring it up later, Martha has a sudden memory lapse and will blankly stare at him until lets the subject drop.</p>
<p>(He also finds, with a large amount of confused guilt, that she never brings up her family ever again around him.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Been Brokenhearted

 

_“I’ve been brokenhearted baby,_

_Ever since the day we met”_

_===_

Aside from the occasional frustration due to her parents’ fighting, Martha avoids talking about her family. It leads the Doctor assume that there was nothing to talk about, so he never brings up or asks about them.   
  
Being trapped in 1969  however, forces the Doctor to explore Martha’s history and while she’s generally free flowing the answers to each of his questions, she avoids the subject completely when it comes to her family. And at first, he didn’t notice it until they were in a market doing grocery shopping and Martha mentioned her brother.

“His wife’s pregnant with their first child,” Martha tells him excitedly, before pausing with a bit of a frown, “or is going to be. Still don’t know how the tenses work out.”

“First niece or nephew then,” the Doctor asks, grinning at her and she gave him something of a melancholic smile in response.

“Something like that yeah.”

And went off to grab produce before the Doctor could ask for an explanation.

He finds that every time he tries to bring it up later, Martha has a sudden memory lapse and will blankly stare at him until lets the subject drop.

(He also finds, with a large amount of confused guilt, that she never brings up her family ever again around him.)

===

It was Jack that points this out as they’re hidden away in a warehouse. Martha’s off getting supplies and food and the Doctor is thinking about the Master.

“Her parents aren’t dead,” Jack says.

“What?” Because his mind works fantastically and multitask and pick up a lot of minor things, but Jack was never linear with anything, and doesn’t know how to ease people into a conversation.

“Martha,” Jack clarifies, “her parents aren’t dead, and she has siblings that aren’t dead.”

“Uhh, yes?” Because he also doesn’t know where the hell he’s trying to go with this. But Jack simply nods and looks down for a moment, like he’s trying to process these simple facts. The Doctor resists the urge to roll his eyes, because his priorities here are a bit skewed.

“She doesn’t have that many pictures on display of them,” Jack explains, “and they seem pretty close, from how she was when the Master threatened them.”

“Your point, Jack,” because he’s getting impatient now, and his irritation is showing in his tone and Jack only shakes his head and smiles, saying that it’s not important right now. He stays silent until Martha comes back and they talk in hushed tones (about him, funnily enough). He stops their line of thought by laying out their next steps.

He pretends to not pay attention when Jack asks if she has any other family members that they should worry about. And watches as Martha’s face completely blanks out for a long moment as she says “No, not exactly.”

(He makes a note to really check through Martha’s history when they take care of the Master. But things go to hell after the President is murdered and there was no time for that afterwards.)

===

There’s a part of Donna that just glows when Martha is around, and when the Tardis traps them in her and whisks them off to somewhere unknown, the Doctor can’t find it in him to really mind. Not when the two of them are both cracking jokes and commiserating over their adventures the Doctor. Both women need the reprieve and doesn’t complain when it takes longer than it usually would for them to bring Martha back to her own time.

He doesn’t mean to eaves drop, really. He was just craving something sweet and felt rude about interrupting the lady’s chat to get what he wanted. He figured it would be a short conversation and then he could sneak on in and out. That’s why he was listening, because he was waiting for a good opening.

“So no kids right now with _Sir Tom_ ,” Donna’s laughing and he can hear Martha snorting at the title.

“No kids in any foreseeable future with _anyone_ ,” and while the Doctor could hear the smile in her voice, both the Doctor and Donna could hear how quickly her voice thickened.

“Martha,” Donna asks, and the Doctor could hear a bit of shuffling and knew that Donna was reaching out to Martha.

“I had my chance,” she explains with a shaky sigh, “I guess I wasn’t...”

“Oh Martha,” Donna says and the Doctor walks away from that area entirely.

(He tells himself that the moment he witnessed was not the reason why he invites Martha to stay with them. But he can’t help but wonder if that moment was the reason why she ultimately said no.)

===

Keisha is a bubbly, bright little girl who’s just learning how to walk. She’s not properly talking yet, but she’s figured out how to use walls and tables to help her balance on things and explore the world around her. He’s not a father anymore and the children that he did have were never like this, so he feels immensely privileged to be invited to the little girl’s small birthday celebration and watch her experience things for the first time. The excitement and wonder on her face is something of a marvel and novelty and he can’t help but smile when she claps whenever she reaches her destination.

He looks over at Keisha’s parents, who is talking to Keisha’s grandparents and aunt Tish before laying his eyes on Martha, who has the same look of awe and joy while watching her niece. Her left hand is raised to her mouth (absence of a ring, he notes) and she’s smiling so hard that her eyes are crinkling. Jack is standing right behind her, one hand on her hip and chin on her shoulder and the Doctor wonders what _exactly_ he missed while he’s been gone.

But then the Doctor’s looking back at Keisha, because she’s trying to jump and clap without falling on her butt. And wow, she’s adorable and shrieking and happy and that kind of joy is infectious. Keisha looks at the Doctor and gives her a small brilliant little smile and he grins back. Were she a Gallifreyan, he would’ve reached out with his mind, children are naturally empathic, and right now she was radiating joy over to him. But she seemed to know that he was receiving her joy and was getting even happier for it. The Doctor let out a little surprised and delighted laugh. Human children were amazing.

As Keisha continued to roam about, the Doctor heard Jack tell Martha in a soft tone, “You would’ve been a great mother.”

He forced himself to not turn to look at Martha when she whispered, “I would like to think so.”

And when before he leaves, he asks Leo if it would be okay if he could visit Keisha every once in a while.

(He doesn’t say anything when Leo says that the answer is a yes, if it would mean that they would manage to finally get Martha to visit her niece as well. His hypocrisy has its limits.)

===

They’re all here on the Tardis and after Davros, everyone agrees that resting a bit before sending everyone home is the right way to go about it.

He sees Martha and Donna talking in hushed tones, she’s wringing her hands and her smile is a familiar mournful little thing that has nothing to do with the Doctor because when he glances over at Jack, who’s laughing with Mickey, there’s a small pinched look that says that he wants to go over there and wipe away those sad frown lines and make her just forget.

So Donna and Jack know what’s going on and while he wishes he had more to go on than a very strong suspicion, he refuses to go over there and directly ask her what’s wrong, because Martha is powerless to the Doctor and she would answer that as honestly as she could but it would also mean that she would never trust or talk to him long after that.

He notices that his doppelganger has absolutely no reservations about this and when everyone is walking out of the console room to either rest or shower, the Doctor watches his copy take Martha’s hand and lean down to whisper in her ear. Martha’s eyes close, but by the furrowed squeeze of her eyebrows, it’s not due to any residual attraction to that face of his. It’s that same pained look that Martha had before she left the Doctor and he realises that she’s trying not to cry. His copy lays a kiss on Martha’s temple and walks away with Donna, who was watching the scene silently.

Before the Doctor could walk over to Martha though, Rose is there and she’s touching Martha’s shoulder asking if she’s okay. Martha’s eyes are still closed as she nods, but Rose gives her a hug, because that’s just what she does, and tells her that she knows what Martha’s been through, and she _gets it_ because she went through it too and if she wants to talk, or another hug, that she’s here for that. And probably in an attempt to keep herself from really crying, Martha buries her face into the crook of Rose’s neck and finally hugs her back.

And because he’s not supposed to be there, he leaves silently, both women maybe not even noticing that he was there in the first place. He hears Martha say that she wished she knew Rose sooner and the other woman sniffs a bit then laughs in response.

“Well, you know me _now_ , don’t ya?”

(Despite the heavy, thick feeling of guilt that settles in the pit of his gut, he silently thanks everything managed to keep the best part of Rose in there. It means that none of his companions are _completely_ corrupted.)

===

He’s wearing a different face when he sees Martha again. Amy and Rory are off living their own lives and he knows that he shouldn’t, but he goes to pop in on Martha. He’s still volatile, he knows this, but in a way that can be tempered, and maybe this time, when he talks to Martha, it could be an actual conversation.

She’s smiling when he sees her, but she’s no longer with UNIT, and she’s also no longer married. And because that simply just isn’t right, the Doctor asks why.

“I didn’t want to be that kind of Doctor,” Martha admits, as she leads him into her flat. He notices that just like Jack had said, there weren't any family pictures out for display and the ones that were were in areas that could collect dust easily because they were nowhere near Martha’s line of sight.

He sits on her couch and wiggles a bit to get comfortable. She’s exploring her pantry for snacks and comes out with chocolate pudding. She raises the pudding cups and the Doctor grins and makes grabbing motions with his hands while Martha’s laughing. She’s bringing him pudding with spoons as she continues.

“After The Year, I think I was stuck in that loop. Always fighting and running.” She sits next to him, but sets her spoon and cup on the table while the Doctor digs right on in.

“I think...” she starts, “I know. I-I was broken long before I met you and...”

She’s looking down and her hair was hiding her face. Those skinny long braids were gone and left skinny long locs in their wake and the Doctor took a moment to admire her because she was beautiful in these quiet reflective moments. She sighed and started up again.

“And I - after you, a lot things about me were better and,” and she’s blurting stuff out now, he can tell, “I didn’t go to the source, I fixed a lot of things, but not the right things and it just wasn’t enough, and I wasn’t enough and I couldn’t--”

And the Doctor sets down his pudding cup on the coffee table next to her uneaten one and pulls her to him in a hug. Her commentary stutters to a stop and she lets out a shaky little sigh.

“You can’t be with someone who wants kids when it’s the first thing on your do not want list,” Martha whispers, “you can’t stay with a person who doesn’t believe you when you look them in the eye and say you love them. You can’t do your job properly when you start thinking of saving someone’s life as a chore. When you legitimately can’t...”

Martha leans into him a little bit more now.

“I barely slept before travelling with you, and now I don’t sleep at all,” she squeezes him a little bit and he knows that she’s not blaming him in the least bit, “I forgot how to socialise and I forgot that daytime is safe and I forgot that caring about my patients didn’t mean they were condemned to death.”

“And the stuff that you did remember were no help in a world that isn’t choking on death,” the Doctor murmurs and Martha nodded.

They stay silent for a while. The side of his jacket is getting wet, but the Doctor doesn’t say anything and just holds her closer. The Doctor hesitates before he opens his mouth. He isn’t the poster child for tact and this conversation that Martha needs to have is a thing that requires it in spades. He leans down and kisses the top of her head.

“You’re more than enough, Martha,” he says, “nothing that happened to you will change that and you matter Martha. You do.”

“I wish I could believe that,” she answers, “but I had my chance and I just messed it up.”

“You’re a medical professional, you know that’s not how it works.”

Martha nods, but stays silent. Then,

“I wanted to name her after Tish.”

“And if you had her now,” the Doctor asks.

“I’d name her Addy.”

And they finally talk. It’s not going to be enough to mend years of damage, but it’s a start, and all the Doctor needs so he latches onto that.

(She still says no to travelling with him, because neither of them are ready, but he agrees to visiting her more often and the next time he comes, they both go over to see her niece.)

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. I haven’t written anything that wasn’t academic for a while and though I was reading fanfics, it was from a different fandom entirely. So I was rusty and didn’t want to just jump right on into my other projects. So I wrote this.
> 
>  
> 
> 2\. I’ve been trying to do fluffy sweet stories with these two and it just wasn’t happening. All the stories I wrote were absolutely depressing with no happy endings and my brother was the one to suggest writing a kid fic because those are almost always cute stories and I was like alright! Then this happened.
> 
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> 3\. Title comes from Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hands by Primitive Radio Gods.
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> I thrive off of feedback so let me know how I did! This story will also be posted on FF.N


End file.
